You ever wonder where your old self went? Do you ever crave to be as powerful as you used to be? Like something in side of you has been buried for so long you forgot where it went. You long for it to be back just to feel your body react to a positive emotion once again.
Today I was reminded of a memory from long ago. It was an occurrence that happened in my youth. One that changed my outlook on life, forever. I felt my body react. My shoulders straightened and my belly felt strong. There was a power and a clarity running through me. It was like I was there again while I sat at my kitchen table.
Before I dive into the details of the terrible yet enlightening occurrence. Let me set the scene for you. It was a spring day in southern Mississippi and I couldn't take my eyes of the red roads. There were fractions in this society, a separation still amongst its habitats. Not being from the area, it all felt so new to me. I had traveled in the night before for my name sakes funeral. My Great Aunt Sara. Her ceremony was filled with tears, laughter, pain, and joy. She was a light who is missed by many. She made it her life's purpose to break the boundaries of separation and I feel she was well rewarded by her efforts in the last of her days. As we all came to her home to continue her celebration. We connected as one big family at her table just like she wanted. You need to understand that this was more than just a table. It was a masterpiece weathered by love and many body's sharing it as one. To some, it would just seem a overly large picnic table in the center of her home. But to us in that moment it was the heart of our beloved who was gone. Amish, Christian, Indian, African American, white, black and brown, old and young alike, all sitting together. We were sharing our love, our food, and our dreams. 50+ of us all come together, because of this wonderful woman, my ancestor.
As the Joy continued into the afternoon, I felt a pull to take a walk around the lovely Mississippi yard. Admiring the new plants and taking in the odd shape and colors of the rocks. My feet started to lead me to the front of the house near the half circle driveway. As I stood there time started to slow. In my memory my biological time stops just like in the movies and everything becomes slow and focused. Hyperaware I watched as a Jeep pull into the driveway with a reckless swerve and speed. I new in every fiber of my being, something was off. But I stood there strong and open to source. Guided by my higher power. As the Jeep came closer I saw inside two young men. Too young to have a true dark night of the soul yet. The passenger started to lean out the window with something in his hand aimed to throw, mouth twisted with anger ready to shout. That is when our eyes met. This is when my memory causes time to stop. As I stare into his eyes and he looks back, our souls speak to each other. The language incomprehensible to either of us, yet our souls met in understanding and grace. He never threw whatever was in his hand he never yelled what he was going to say. He and his partner just drove off with rather confused faces. I imagine that I had the same face. I didn't occur to me instantly that this was a possible hate crime it actually took me many hours, days, and weeks to fully comprehend what had happened. It's experience helped me to recognize the beauty in melding our hearts to all creatures under this sun. To loose the prejudice of separation and connect as one.
So what did this story have to do with where our old self went? Well as I sat here at my table looking for inspiration and solutions to all my problems, wondering where my old self went, this memory appeared. With that memory came body experiences. Strength in my solar plexus, spine straighter and strengthened emotions like confidence. I felt a power within me thinking of all the light I must have been radiating as I stood there on that Mississippi red dirt. Knowing that what gave me the strength was all the love and connectedness that was felt at my aunt's table.
The conclusion that I would like you to take away from this is to remember that doing regression work and clearing old blocks is only one way of using and working with your past. You can also go into your past, to a time when you were strong, and pull a memory of strength in times of need. You don't have to clear all your ancestors away and recognize that you can draw on the strength of your blood line to get you through certain struggles. I am happy for this experience for I know that it has shaped my life and will continue to strengthen me in the future. I will now start intentionally using the strength of my past and my ancestors to promote more positivity in my future and I hope you do too.